how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is Oprah even human
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
