Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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