These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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