He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
