If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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