just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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