Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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