mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
