my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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