Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
