so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He passed out mid-signature
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
