I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
