I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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