I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
