oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
