I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
