Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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