but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
