I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
