just come out here and I will go home with you...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
