He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
