Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
