remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
