so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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