she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
