how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
