Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
