glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
