i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
