I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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