My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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