So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
