It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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