At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
