well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
