well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
