is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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