Betty ford says i'm here all night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
