I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
