hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
