Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
