We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
