THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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