She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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