Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
