I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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