Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
