The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
