I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
