Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
