I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
