They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
