guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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