Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
