Me. At least after what I've been through.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
