just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
