We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
