i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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